A mess of a dreamer, with the nerve to adore you.

Fb Tumblr DA
November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 June 2005 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 June 2009 July 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 May 2010 July 2010 August 2010 February 2011 March 2011 May 2011 June 2011

I'm deying gravity, and you can't pull me down The Butterfly Effect It's okay to be a little broken All we have to do is pack & go I miss the sound of your voice, the silence scream... Slipping through my fingers all the time She's secretly hoping Always, always & Forever Love Lockdown Sleepover Magic

Layout: Nicole
Inspiration: I ; II
Color codes: Color Codes

I need to breakdown. But I can't. Cause I've broken down too many times that if I do again, this time, I won't be able to fix myself back together. Its like smashing your own reflection in the mirror, only to realise you have only yourself to hurt, only yourself to blame and only yourself to be angry with. Angry with all your own insercurities, incapabilities and stupidity.

Have you ever had the feeling of knowing what your future will be like and yet too powerless to change anything, do anything or even fight for anything ? You see, I'm exactly in that kind of position. At the end of this academic term, I know where I'll end up at - nowehere- and I can do nothing but watch myself trudge into that abyss of failure, my own failure.

I hate it. I hate this feeling of helplessness, I hate my fucking pride, I hate my vulnerability, I hate my pessimism, I hate my self-centeredness, I hate falling short of expectations and I hate being such a letdown. But there isn't anything I can do about it. Sometimes, I wish theres a limit to how much pain and disappointment a human heart can take because everytime I tell myself to stop wishing, that constant beating down there tells me not to and I continue to hope for the better only to kick myself in the foot, asking for more disappointment; only to fall faster and harder.

Wishing only wounds the heart. So heres to giving up cause its the fastest road to healing even though it isn't exactly the wisest. I feel like I've tried for so long to be happy, and the more I try, the more that goal slips from my reach. It's almost like quicksand where the more you struggle, the more submerged you become. I've gived up on everything. Nothing matters to me anymore. Especially myself. The part of my life that matters least to me is myself. Because I'm no one and I always have been.